JOB OPPORTUNITY: Laborers
WANTED: Everyone who has ears to hear (ie. everyone)
MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS AND DUTIES: This job is the ultimate in follow-the-leader. Candidates must be willing to relocate immediately or stay put. No experience necessary. No experience preferred. All candidates will be instantly hired for life upon quitting their previous path and following a new one. Their new leader will become the laborer’s Savior, Shepherd and Lord. All sin debts accrued will be forgiven, paid in full by the Shepherd. The laborer will immediately walk in the newness of their new life daily, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. There are many challenges that face the laborer, and each laborer’s daily experience will be unique. All laborers are to recognize each other as family in one body. All workdays include planting, harvesting, fishing, rejoicing, singing, praying, loving, giving thanks, resting and believing. On the job training begins immediately and continues throughout the laborer’s career. Both individual and cooperative work is provided and a close relationship with the Shepherd will ensure you don’t miss out on these excellent and exciting opportunities.
BENEFITS: Too many benefits to include here. All the benefits available to the laborer are spelled out in writing in a detailed and exhaustive written copy of all of the Shepherd’s words for his people, but availability will vary. As a cooperative service, laborers have worked for centuries to get written copies of the Shepherd’s words into every hand in every language. Competitors try hard to keep the Shepherd and his words away from the general public, but his workers famously spread the news by word of mouth and in song. The Shepherd’s home office celebrates every new laborer and like the ice water challenge made popular by various charities, each new laborer celebrates with a water challenge of their own called “baptism” in the presence of their new family. The Shepherd maintains a consistent open-door policy and can be called on at any time, day or night. Each laborer will be equipped with a helmet (salvation), a breastplate (righteousness), a belt (truth), shoes (the gospel of peace) and a shield (faith). The aforementioned words of the Shepherd called “The Word” is the laborer’s sword. All needs of every laborer will be met in full. The meeting of those needs is called “grace”. It is available to all laborers day and night, in season and out. The medical plan covers all infirmities and all will ultimately be healed. The blind will see, the deaf will hear and the dead will be resurrected. Is there any other plan anywhere that even comes close? The retirement plan alone is no less than humbling. It is life eternal and irrevocable.
HOW TO APPLY: All who come just as you are will be accepted, but all resumes will be rejected! Do not bring anything or change your appearance. Come to: Jesus Christ, Lord and Savior. You may come verbally or in writing. Immediately resign your current position (repent) and write or call on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ (trust). Will you leave it all behind and trust The Way, the Truth and the Life? Act now! Take a leap of faith.